She's got big hands, but the mind of a little girl.

I've realized some things about myself recently. I've been through so much in my life. I've been abused, and forced to grow up when I was a little girl. I never knew what it was to just be a kid, and that's it. I had so many other things to worry about, things no child should ever have to worry about. I'm grown up in many ways, but in others, I'm still a little girl. Sex. Sex is a problem sometimes. and I know what you're thinking. "Why the hell is she about to talk about her sex life on the internet? What the fuck is wrong with her?" I'll tell you why. Most women who have been abused don't know that sex can be a good thing. They feel scared every single time they're about to go through with it, so they go back to feeling like that little girl again, powerless, weak. If you associate sex with love, in a good way, not in the way that the perverted sick sonofabitches use it, it can be beautiful. I'm learning that now. You may think I'm stupid for posting this, but that's the way you feel, not me. :) Every time I tell someone close to me about what I have been through when I was a kid, I feel like I'm shrinking back to that little girl again. The feelings I had at that point in time come back, and I get scared. I'm afraid of people. Afraid of what they're capable of. They scare me because they have that ability to be inhumane to another person. Parents. Ohhhh boy. My parents. My step-parents. Hah! Most kids will blame they're parents for all of their problems, because they need someone to blame their shit on because they don't want to point their finger at themselves. I have very good reasons for blaming all of them for the way I am. First off, to my mother, who didn't protect me like all mothers should protect their children. Second, my step-dad for doing what he did. Third, my step-mom and my dad. I blame you for the yelling. I'm afraid of people when they get too loud, or yell. I want to cry every time I hear yelling. I don't care if you are reading this, mother. You were supposed to protect me. You didn't. Simple as that. That's why I don't go out of my way to talk to you. I don't care if you don't believe me, just like last time when I told you, because you're afraid that noone is going to love you if you leave him. I don't give a shit what you do with your life, but I'd like it if you stayed out of mine until I'm ready to give you respect.

You wreck a kid's life, I have no respect for you.

Memento Mori.

You can quote me.

- Olivia.